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Guys I have dated started asking very personal questions on the first date
Dr. Dating,
I am a 38 yr old mother of 3 daughters. I have been dating men met through a dating service. I have an attractive divorce settlement which is affords me the luxury of staying at home with my children until my youngest starts school this coming fall. While I am not wealthy I have also been able to keep the marital home which is located in an upper-class neighborhood. There is a particular issue that I don't have a clue how to deal with.
Three of the guys I have dated started asking very personal questions on the first date especially pertaining to the reason for my divorce, the quality of father my ex-husband is, how much he participates in the children's lives, curiosity about my financial situation i.e. my debt load, and in the case of one guy who holds a high profile job, even concern about who my friends are. I feel as if I am on an interview vs. a date.
One of the guys has never been married, one is a widower, and the third has been married twice. I don't ask a lot of questions as I have found that the information I need about a guy is generally provided just by watching his actions, attitude, listening closely during the first few dates. At the same time they are practically giving me verbal resumes without the financial details.
I understand the need to know the aforementioned information at some point but feel that these guys are putting the cart before the horse so to speak. I also understand the time issue especially when dating professional men. These are serious topics that I feel should be discussed when you know a person a little better. I have nothing to hide but answering sort of questions so soon only gives an analytical view of who I am.
Thank you for your help.
Marilyn
Dear Marilyn;
You can try telling them you're not comfortable in telling all your business so soon and hope they respect that but let's not be naive. The reason you're getting the same type of men is because of the information you gave the dating service and the type of men you told them you would be interested in dating. Contact the dating service and tell them you want a different kind of guy or you want to change the information in your profile so the men like the three you described won't come looking for you.They should work with you to connect you with more laid back matches.
Men, and women, in high profile, high paying positions will want to know those things about you because they want to know what they're getting into and a person who will be involved with them will have to deal with more than the average person will have to. It is an interview, of sorts, because the people involved with them will have to handle more than just his relatives. They may have to deal with employees, the press, ex-husbands, wives, or girlfriends, children, etc. They might not want the additional pressures of someone else's ex, or financial burdens, or children.
I'm sorry, but if you're getting the same type of guy over and over, the only thing they have in common is you and the information they have to go on.
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