Is there anything I can do to date her?
I've been friends with this girl for over 4 years. I want to be in a relationship with her more than anything in the world. I do the whole boyfriend thing, minus the bed time. She says because I was her friend first, she cannot see me anything more than that. I believe in meeting girls and becoming friends, then dating them. Is there anything I can do to date her?
-Dan-
Hi Dan: I wish I knew what "the whole boyfriend thing, minus the bed time" meant. Does it mean you guys hang out but never have any kind of intimacy or does it mean, you hang out, make out, but don't take it completely there? But that's just my curiousity and doesn't change my answer.
Is there anything you can do to date her? Yes, change your belief system.
If you want to be a woman's lover, you have to approach her as a lover. You can be her friend, but not at first. It doesn't take a woman very long to determine if you're a lover or a friend, if she moves you into the friends space without ever seeing you as a lover, you don't have a great chance of ever changing her mind. However, it's not impossible, but you're going to have to reset the rules and it won't be comfortable for either of you.
First, stop seeing her. You need to put some space and distance between the two of you so she has room to see you differently. Tell her you're interested in a relationship, not a friendship, and if she can't see her way to that then you need to move on.
Second, move on. Start to approach other women you find attractive with the idea that if they're someone you might want to be intimate with, you're approaching them with that attitude first. You need to see for yourself how women react differently to a man they consider a friend, and one they see romantically.
Third, don't fold. If she calls you, or you see her, be cordial and friendly, but don't get back into the old friends habits. Keep phone conversations short, don't be her sounding board or problem fixer, don't hang out.
Be prepared for her to get upset with you. She has that right, but you have the right to the kind of relationship you want and if you can't have it with her, you need to have the emotional freedom to find it elsewhere. You have to be willing to risk what you have: just a friendship, in order to get what you want. She might not come around, you might find someone else while waiting, you might lose her friendship. You certainly aren't going to wait forever for her to change her mind, so you need to change yours.
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