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What can I do to get him to do the things I want?
After a few really frustrating relationships, I found a really wonderful guy and we're going to be married. He's smart, funny, intelligent, honest, and a really good friend. The problem is there's no passion For instance, if I call him during the day he can't always talk to me, or if I send him a loving email, he doesn't answer it right away. I find myself resenting doing those things if he isn't going to reciprocate. What can I do to get him to do the things I want?
Let me see if I got all this: he's honest, funny, intelligent, and a really good friend and you want to train him? I would say dump them, but I'm afraid you'd think I was talking about him.
You need to unpack the baggage you're carrying from the frustrating relationships and lose the old boyfriends until it's just the two of you. If you call or email during the day, I'm going to assume he's..oh, what's the word? WORKING!
What you're doing is testing him to see if he's like your old boyfriends and you set him up for failure by giving him impossible tasks like making love talk while sitting at a desk in an office or sending emails that can be read by co-workers standing at his desk when it comes in.
The problem isn't that he isn't doing what you want - it's that you want too much. The problem is that he will never be able to do enough because it's not his problem, it's yours. You need to stop it, and stop it now. You need to realize that you are not a child and he is not your wind up doll. He's a human being and they don't like being used, abused, or taken advantage of. This is your problem to solve and it's a matter of expecting better behavior from yourself. If you make it his problem, the only solution would be to cut you loose and find someone who isn't so labor intensive.
On the other hand, it's perfectly valid for both of you to understand the needs of the other. In a mature relationship you would sit down and discuss those things that would make you happy, and he would tell you the same. It would then be up to each of you to give a little something everyday without the other nagging, expecting, or grading the other.
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