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Going Dutch-When Is The Right Time?
By Alicia R Norman
Many women feel that paying for a date is one of the greatest cardinal sins of womanhood. The few time I have admitted to not only paying for dinner, but refusing a man's offer to pay, the ensuing shriek nearly cost me my hearing.
"You did what?" My girl friend would shrilly ask, looking as if she has just seen Woody Allen naked.
I have never understood why the concept is so unfathomable. If I am truly my man's equal, shouldn't I pick up the tab some of the time? To be sure, something is askew if I am paying for every date, but in a true give and take, a woman must be willing to fork over the funds.
Here are some of the basic rules of going Dutch etiquette.
1) Who ever asked the person out has to pay for the date. It's a no brainer. We live in a time where women are adopting a more aggressive posture, some of us approaching men and asking them out. If you ask the man out, then pay for the date. I am more than sure that said man will happily pay for the next, as he will be assured that you are interested in him, and not getting a free get-out-of-the-house-dinner.
2) If the man paid for the first date, offer to at least pay for the second one - and don't go cheap either. If he took you to a nice fancy Italian restaurant don't take him out for a burger and fries. Be fair.
3) If you realize you want to keep the relationship platonic, and the man asks you out again, make your feelings clear. If they insist on a second date, pay for your own meal, theatre tickets, etc. I did this and it saved me a bunch of headache in the long run. How? When the guy finally got it into his head that I wasn't interested in that way, he couldn't say I used him, since I had insisted on paying for myself.
4) There really is no real wrong time to go Dutch-it is a feel really. Some men are really romantic and may take it as an affront to have the woman pay for the first date, even if she asked him out. If he is that way, don't make fun of him or call him old-fashioned. Respect this. If you can't, maybe you don't need to go out with him, as your outlooks may be too different to make a viable match.
Also, here are little asides to dinner and dating that I'd like to add. Just because he is paying doesn't mean you should order the lobster special. Take it easy on the guy. A gentleman may not say that you are putting a strain on his wallet, and you don't want to take advantage of a man's good nature.
Sisters-going Dutch is a good thing-it give us control and makes us equals. Keep this in mind the next time you dine.
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