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Crossing the International Date Line - Interracial Dating for Beginners
By Tim Blackstock
She's funny. He's gorgeous. She has everything you ever wanted in a woman. No man has ever made you feel this way before. There's just one thing: you're different races. But this isn't going to be a problem today, is it? After all, we are in a new millennium. The old myths about race no longer apply to today. Right?
If you chose to date someone outside your race and you don't prepare yourself for the possible consequences, your relationship is starting off on the wrong foot. Ultimately dating someone with a different skin color is going to be just like any other relationship: it will thrive or die based upon the how the two of you interact with each other. But let's not kid ourselves that interracial dating doesn't stir up feelings for people. In the best of circumstances, your friends and family will have an opinion about who you date. When you date interracially, your friends, family, co-workers, even the next door neighbor will have something to say and your support and resistance can come from the mostly unlikely people. Knowing what reactions you might get can help you (and them) get over those resentments that may bubble up. If you're thinking about dating someone from another race, here are a few things to think ab0ut:
1. The same family who thinks having friends of a different race is fine may balk at having a lover of a different race. Friendship is one thing – love is another and some people think there is a line that should not be crossed. Don't be surprised if the parents you thought were liberal suddenly express very conservative views about their child dating someone outside their race.
The concern may stem from the belief that bearing a child with a person of another color changes, even contaminates, the family blood lines. This isn't a concern limited to Europeans. There have been concerns expressed along all hues of the color line that race mixing will be the end of a culture or a race.
2. Your intentions may be questioned. If you're white, you might be accused of having jungle fever – meaning a desire to sleep with someone black; or yellow fever – meaning a desire to sleep with someone Asian. If you're a white female, you might be accused of trying to steal the 'good' black men. One of the prevailing complaints black women make about white women is that they go after the successful black men. Those who are well-educated, have high paying or high profile jobs and have broken down barriers. If you're a black female, you may hear complaints from black men about trying to upgrade or not thinking your own men are good enough to date. If you're a black male, black women may accuse you of wanting a white woman as a trophy or a status symbol of success.
3. You're only in it for the sex. One of the more stubborn myths is that there is an inherent sexuality associated with certain races. Asian women are viewed as more submissive while Black women are often characterized as being overtly sexual. White males may be assumed to be more gentle and generous lovers while black men are considered well-endowed and always thinking about sex.
4. Some friends and family won't know what to do with you. For some people, it won't be a concern at all, for others; they won't know what to say when people ask so you might find some of your friends will be a little distant. They may not invite you over for couples night or they won't know how to introduce you and your significant others in a crowd. Family members, especially those of an older generation, may not want to have to deal with you at all and might ignore your partner at a family function after giving a polite, forced smile.
Or, you may not encounter any difficulties whatsoever, though that would be a miracle indeed. Someone somewhere will have a comment - even the intention is to show support. One black woman we know tells us of the time when she and her white husband were sitting in a theatre when another black woman walked up behind them to tell them she thought they created a beautiful picture together. The comment bothered her as much as an insult would have. "I don't feel like being a poster child for racial tolerance any more than I feel like being one for racial hatred. I was out with my husband; not making a political statement."
There is still a great deal of patience needed when it comes to society and interracial dating. Movies like 'Something New', 'Guess Who', and even 'Love Actually' have showed interracial couples. But society has been slow moving at best. It wasn't until the late sixties that the United States Supreme Court abolished all laws making it illegal for different races to marry. The last state to take the law off the book didn't do it until 2000 and even then almost half the people wanted the law to remain on the books even though the federal law made it obsolete.
It isn't clear whether the movies are reflecting society or if society is being pushed by the movies into accepting interracial relationships. There has been a steady growth of mixed marriages and dating, though it's hardly moving at break neck speed. But then, there's no deadline and if slow and steady wins the 'race', then maybe it's moving just the way it should.
Related Articles:
AfroConnections.com
BlackSingles.com
Interracial Singles
SoulSingles.com
Coloring Outside the Line Three Things To Think About
Interracial Relationships
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