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Pick up lines for guys
Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me? See,I'm trying to find someone. (Who?) Any girl who'll sleep with me. Excuse me, I'm putting together a list of people with whom I want to have sex, and I'll need the correct spelling of your name. Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus? Excuse me, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be? Excuse me, is that semen in your hair? Excuse me, I've seem to have lost my virginity, can I have yours? Excuse me, you look just like my personal ho. May I have your name? Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts? Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size? Fancy a fuck? First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button. For a dollar, I'll blow you...a kiss. Forget that, playing doctors is for kids, lets play gynecologist. Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot! Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you? Fuck me if i'm wrong but isn't your name Gretchen?. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me? Fuck me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night. Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit! Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya. Girls are sexy, guys are fine I'll be your six if you'll be my nine! Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi Laura!" She says, "I'm not Laura!" And you say, as your hand slips a little lower, "But you sure feel like her!" Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck... God must have been in a very good mood the day we met. Guess what?! I've got an 8" tongue and I can breath out of my ears! Guy pulls out a quarter"if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?" Hand out phone card that says: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place. Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again! Have you ever been hunting before? (No.) Well, then how about you come up to my cabin with me this weekend and I can teach you how to stuff a beaver. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to? Have you ever played "Spank the brunette"? Want to try? Have you ever played leap frog naked?? Have you seen my enormous jar of "Penis Reducing Cream"? Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity? Hello, I may have just met you but I feel like I have known you all my life and I love you. What hotel room should I reserve? Hello, love, do you spit or swallow? Hello, well-formed Homo-sapien specimen. Would you care to depart with me towards my domiciliary residence and observe a documentary of the ontogenesis of another Homo-sapien individual just prior to fertilization? Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you? Hello. I'm just doing a survey. How tall are you on your knees? Help the homeless. Take me home with you. Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? (after she slaps you or leaves) HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza? Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!! Hey babe, wanna sample my DNA? Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited! Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me? Hey baby, are you like Sprite because you make me want to obey my thirst. Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit. Hey baby, I'd like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley. Hey baby, I'll fuck you so hard the neighbors will be having a cigarette when we're done. Hey baby, let's go make some babies. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you! Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder? Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on! Hey Baby, you want to come to my house and work on your math skills? We can add the bed, subtract the cloths, divide the legs and multiply! Hey baby. Why don't you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up? Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some? Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper? Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off? Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina! Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down. Hey I see you are wearing clothes. I'm wearing clothes. Did you know we have something in common? We should get together and do something sometime. Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest? Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I'll disappear in the morning. Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me! Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?' Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy? Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thighmaster? Hey, kitten. How about spending some of your nine lives with me? Hey, let's play the Price is Right. Your pants just won! So bring 'em on down! Hey, my seamen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face? Hey, you've got a lawyer's ass. Yip, it's firm. Hey. Do you have that Hawiian Disease? What? "Comeoniwannalayya". Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a penis? Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night Hi, do you dissect insects for scientific research? (No, why?) I thought you might want to look inside my fly. Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too. Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just practice? Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption. Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead? Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body? Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back? Hi, I'm the reincarnated soul of Tai-Pong, once a starved, naked Buddhist monk. All that isolation is getting to me. Want to get down on your knees and pray? Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good. Hi, my name is ______________. I eat pussy like a woman. Hi, my name is Chris. Have you heard of me? No? Well let me take you home and fill you in. Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick? Hi, my name's ______________. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later! Hi, sorry I don't have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . . Hi. Are you legal? Hi. I just need you to know that you can't get pregnant from anal sex. Hi. I'm a dog and I need to bury my bone. Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus. Hi. I'm like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists. Hi. You'll do. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart." How about we make like Winnie-the-poo and I get my nose stuck in your honey jar. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat! How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes? How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up? How can I love you if you won't lay down? How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning! How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized? Hypothetically speaking, if I were to fuck you, would you let me? I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out? I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements? I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue. I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this I cum in 5 seconds, you won't even know I was there. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to tinker around with. I got a 14 inch cock, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality? I had sex with someone last night. Was that you? I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor? I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later. I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy. I have a job for you.... but it blows... I have a present for you. I'm going to bear your children for the next five years. I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears. I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give. I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on. I hear there's a major problem with deforestation in the world today. Why don't we put together your chest and my nuts, and help save the world? I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down? I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you. I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas. I just got this tan in Hawai'i. Why don't you call me when you want some of this tan to rub off on you. I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place. I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate. I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in? I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking? I know where there is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear. I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat? I lost my rubber duckie. Would you bathe with me instead? I lost my teddy bear can i sleep with you tonight? I love baseball so take me home baby! I love every bone in your body - especially mine I love you, I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out. I love you, you know. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock! I miss my teddy bear, would you sleep with me? I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? I think I love you but I can't be sure until I kiss you... I think I'm in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings? I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW! I wanna floss with your pubic hair. I wanna take my extention cord and stick it all the way into your electrical outlet. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case. I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs. I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help.... I want to kiss your belly button, and move all the way down to your lips. I want to write a poem on your body with my lips I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside.. I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are? I was wondering if I could interview you... I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day long! I wonder what our children will look like. I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it. I would kill or die to make love with you. I would like to herd my cattle in your fertile valley. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else. I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart... I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to I'd look good on you. I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you. I'd love you like a snowstorm: I'd give you 8 to 10 inches and you wouldn't be able to leave the house for 3 days. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head? If I followed you home would you keep me? If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off? If I let you suck on my tongue, would you be grateful? If I said you had a beautiful body, would you throw it on top of me? If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me? If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches. If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed? If I was Elvis, would you screw me? If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me? If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks. If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone? If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me? If I were to send you flowers... No wait, let me rephrase: If I were to let you suck on my tongue, would you be grateful? If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning! If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them. If you talk to me, I'll fuck you. If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me. If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town. If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning". If you were aspirin, I would take you every four to six hours. If you were camping and woke up with a used condom inside you, would you tell anyone? (No.) Want to go Camping? If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you. If you were floor boards i would take out all the nails and screw you. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays? If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon. I'll bet you $10 my dick can't fit into your mouth. I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast. I'll make you shiver when I deliver. I'll marry you tomorrow, but let's honeymoon tonight. I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup? I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!! I'm a starving artist and I want to eat you. I'm a used car but you can still drive me! I'm a vegetarian but I'd make an exception for your meat! I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion? I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? I'm an army recruiter. Why don't you come over to my place and "be all you can be." I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first I'm either going home with you or behind you, take your pick. I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! (With whom?) Depends: What are you doing tonight at around 1? I'm hard. You wet? I'm hungry and I'm on a liquid diet. I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night? I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? I'm like a power plant. It's hard to turn me down and I can turn you on I'm like chocolate: I go straight to your ass! I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free. I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69? I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler? I'm on top of things. Would you like to be one of them? I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms? I'm the doctor of love baby and you're over due for your meat injection! I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won't kiss off? In another life I think we dated and I dumped you. But I'm thinking that that was a mistake. Now is your second chance! Is it cold or are you just smuggling tic-tac's? Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass! Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven? Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me? Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants. Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons. Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get. It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me? It's a new world order. Have your way with me. It's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean. I've been a bad boy, so spank me! I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy. I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a clown. I've got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works? I've got a condom with your name on it. I've got a great big cock! I've got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first? I've got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it? I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night? I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot. Kissing is a language of love....so how about a conversation? Let us let only latex stand between our love. Let us pretend my pants are France and invade them. Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked. Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me. Let's go fuck in a brand new limo. Let's go to your place and love each other until my dick falls in your pussy. Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down. Let's have a party in your shoes, and then invite your pants. Let's just fuck. Let's make out so I can see if you taste as good as you look! Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down. Let's play hockey. I"ll be the net, and you can score. Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you Let's you and me get out of these wet clothes. Lie down. I think I love you. Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "Fuck it". Like Motel 6, I'll leave the light on for you. Like the hurricane said to the coconut tree; hold on to your nuts I'm gonna give you the blow of your life. Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other. Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck? Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory. Love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration? Male: Hey, I don't feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out. May I end this sentence with a proposition? May i pleasure you with my tongue? Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible". Motion with one finger for a girl to come to you. When, or if she comes, say: I just made you come with one finger. Imagine what I could do with two. My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours? My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. My cat has lovely fur. Can I see yours? My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth? My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger. My friend and I made a bet and I need to check if those are implants. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.... My magical watch says you aren't wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast! My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in? My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover." My name's Pogo, d'ya wanna jump on my stick? My place.....Eight o'clock......bring a friend. My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot. Nice fucking weather. Want to? Nice legs, lets eat out. Nice pants. Can I test the zipper? Nice shoes, wanna fuck? Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex? Nice tits, mind if i feel them?. OH GOD! OH GOD! Just practicing. Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down! Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner? Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in. Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes. Please tell your tits to stop looking at my eyes. Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed? Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let's go screw. Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better? Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us. So you think I am full of myself? (Yes.) Would you rather be full of me instead? So you thinking about getting a piercing? Well, if you want you can come back to my place, I happen to know a bit about penetration. So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund. So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I've got one that I'm just dying to put in your drawers. So, tell me about yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, your phone number. So, what are the chances of my balls slappin' your ass tonight? Someone vacuum my lap, I think you need a clean place to sit. That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd becoming too! That's a nice shirt, can I take you out of it? The Lord gave us the power to fuck. So, let's go have sex! The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor. 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