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I'm not ready to settle down, nor am I willing to let him go forever
I have had a serious boyfriend for about a year and half. I know (or I think I know) that this is it, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but we both acknowledge that we're too young to be "settled down" yet. I'm just about to start my first year at college and he's about to start his second year at college, and he's willing to take a break and see other people for awhile. The only condition is that the break has to start right away, meaning that when he comes home for the summer we can't be together. He says he can't be with me for a few months knowing that a soon as I leave, I'll be
with other people. This wasn't his idea, he doesn't want to see other people, which I completely understand. However, he says he's wiling to do whatever he has to, to keep me. The ball is my court. My choices are either to be with him unconditionally and never see other people unless we break up permanently, or take a break starting now and not see him at all until I decide that the break is over. I don't want him to feel like he's a puppet that I'm just picking up and throwing away whenever I want, but I'm not ready to settle down, nor am I willing to let him go forever. WHAT SHOULD I
DO???
--Confused
Dear Confused
You're not confused; you're spoiled. And you're what I call labor intensive, meaning you make unrealistic demands and then balk when they're not met. You're the one who wanted to take a break, but you want him to be the puppet you insist you don't want him to be. My advice has always been to dump labor intensive people as quickly as possible because they will escalate issues into problems and tests that can never be solved or passed. I think he should take a break from you so he realizes he might be the one who's better off.
If you're not ready to settle down, then continue dating like you have been. What's with the need to break up but keep him around? Who told you it had to be either or? If you'be been dating for 18 months, date him some more. If the idea of that is just too restrictive and you want to see other people,then you need to know that his choice is that the two of you end the relationship because he's into monogamy. I say he's a good guy and would be a great catch for someone mature - give him his break so he can find her.
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