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Is there really such a thing as an emotional affair?
Is there really such a thing as an emotional affair? My girlfriend is upset with me because I had a phone conversation with Sherry. I met Sherry before I met my girl and she’s met Sherry at an office party and office picnic. Sherry truly is a friend. If you were to ask her about a relationship between us she would laugh her ass off. I know because someone at our office did ask her in front of me and she laughed so hard, I was almost insulted she wouldn’t even consider it until I realized it would be like dating my sister.
My girlfriend has told me I need to cut off all contact with Sherry, but I disagreed. She said even though I wasn’t sleeping with Sherry, I was having an affair with her and if I loved her I would stay away from Sherry. I haven’t talked with Sherry about this, but I am not inclined to give in to the ultimatum but I don’t want to be proud. Should I give up my friend for my girlfriend?
Again, I would probably be in the minority of people asked for relationship advice. To answer your first question: yes, there is such a thing as an emotional affair. The difference between a friendship and an emotional affair is the intention. If the other person is receiving attention from you that normally would go to your spouse, then you’re having an emotional affair. There are some things your significant others get your friends don’t have access to – even friends you’ve had your whole life. If someone else is given the privileges of the relationship and your partner no longer receives them as they should, then you are stepping outside of the relationship and that’s cheating.
However, I have pals with penises. I speak with them on the phone. I go out to dinner with them. I crack jokes with them and I hug them when I see them. All of this I would do, and have done with my husband present and with him absent. I don’t hide their phone calls. I don’t have a secret code only known to me and them and I would laugh my ass off if someone suggested I sleep with them.
My husband is not jealous of these men, but he does have his boundaries. For instance, it’s ok with him if one of my friends puts his arm around my shoulder, but he draws the line at them having their arm around my waist. He doesn’t mind if they hug me, but holding my hand will bring an instant protest.
He’s never asked me to give up any of them and unless he could point to some evidence that one of my friends was moving from friendship to something more, I would refuse if he did because I’m an adult and old enough to pick my own friends. My husband likewise have women friends and spends time with them when I’m not around and it’s has never occurred to me there’s something going on and it’s because our relationship has the transparency solid relationship require.
You will have to decide what and who are important to you. I’m also not overly fond of sentences that begin: “If you loved me,” it seems to be a manipulation and sets a bad precedent for future demands and can easily reduce a relationship to pettiness and that would not go over very well in my house. But that’s how things work on my planet. Good luck with life on yours.
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