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Setting Unrealistic Expectation in Online Dating
By Tracy Rose
One reason online dating is so appealing is that by the time you meet in person you have some background information about your date. It is a much easier way, especially for shy people, to meet people without having to deal with rejection or embarrassment.
Talking through instant messages, through emails and over the phone before you meet a potential partner makes it easier to break the ice that meeting someone in a bar, but it also means that initially there isn't any face-to-face contact. All you have to go on about the person is their picture and whatever information they choose to share.
The key to developing a successful relationship is to have a good feel for when it is a good time to either meet up in person or move on. Trust your instincts. If it feels right and you trust the person, don't deal meeting in person. Waiting too long to meet can be disastrous.
After chatting online with someone a few times you should be able to sense if this is a person you would be compatible with or if there really isn't any interest there. Of course, if the conversations seem forced and you really aren't feeling a connection, then it's a good idea to move on before either of you grow attached and feelings get hurt.
Two problems can occur if you string along an online relationship too long without meeting in person:
1. By chatting too long with someone you don't feel a connection with, you are only leading that person on. They may be developing feelings for you and be hopeful about your future together. It's unfair to the person on the other side of the screen and give them a false sense of hope that a relationship with materialize out of these online chats. It's also harder to let someone down after you get to know they pretty well.
2. By not meeting in person right away, you give your mind permission to imagine him or her. You start to idealize the person as your perfect companion and base your opinions about the person on your fictitious version of your date instead of real life experiences.
Idealizing a person you haven't met yet can cause trouble because you develop high expectations, which the person may or may not be able to live up to.
Successful online daters use the Internet to sort through potential dates and break the ice with people they believe to be compatible. Following the initial contact and maybe a few emails, you need to decide if you would like to explore the possibility of a relationship with this person or keep looking.
If you choose to pursue the relationship then it's time to meet face-to-face before you let your imagination run wild. Some partners find themselves in a no-win situation where they are always trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. This sets the relationship up for failure from the start.
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