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Don't get Wet on the First DateBy Joe Vetromile
Trying to find a date is usually either easy or hard. There's no middle ground. At least there's never been for me. I can usually get a date easily, or I get shot down unequivocally. By trying the online dating scene, I was hoping to eliminate the latter and score more of the former. My plans weren't to find anything solid, per se. I was more willing to date around until I found my particular Miss. Right willing to become Mrs. Right. So, I signed up for a free dating site, created a profile and let the chips fall where they may. I met a girl named Erika who seemed really cool. In my mind, she was going to be the first sample run and, if everything went well, maybe the final product. I did what I could do in order to woo her online. I mean, how much can you possibly do even if you wanted? I put in the 'lol' when she said something funny; I always made sure to give her answers to all her questions. And, for the most part, I was open and honest. After about three months of going through the motions every other day or so, we decided that a live date wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. We set a date for a nice restaurant in her town. She wanted to feel comfortable and I really didn't mind driving a few miles to see her. We were having a great time - plenty of conversation, some really good food, and two bottles of (expensive!) wine. We decided to just sit there and talk and order dessert. But while she was thinking about chocolate cake, I was thinking about taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. I tried to fight the urge, but I really had to go. I said, 'Excuse me' and off to the bathroom I went. Since I was wearing my best beige Dockers and a nice brown vest, I was careful about what my clothes touched while I was in that backwoods bathroom straight out of Deliverance. I actually took my pants off and laid them on my lap, and put my vest over my shoulders. I was virtually naked on the toilet doing what had to be done. When I stood up to put my pants back on, I dropped them on the floor. I knew I wasn't getting off so easy, but after checking the front and making sure there was nothing on them, I figured I was safe enough. But when I came back out of the bathroom, the waiter kept staring at my backside, and Erika busted out laughing and said, 'What? You didn't make it in time?' Unbeknownst to me, the floor was wet where I dropped my pants, and with the great luck I have the ass end fell directly into the water. Beige looks a little too brown when wet, and as far as Erika knew I had some serious control problems. Talk about embarrassing! I'll just hold it next time. Ericka knew it was just water when I told her, so I didn't have to go for round two on the dating site just yet. But it's still something that's hard to live down.
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