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Any advice on how I can get her moving?
There's a girl I really like. We've been dating for about two years and we both out of school. We have talked about becoming engaged and I think she would make a great mother one day. The problem is she doesn't have any career ambitions. She has a college degree and hasn't tried to secure a job that pays more than the minimum wage and has almost no place to go. The jobs she does get end sooner after she's employed. She's been fired from a couple and quit the others when her supervisors have come down on her.
When we talk about our future we have pretty big dreams and plans that will take money so she can stay home.. That means both of us will have to contribute for the success. When I raise the issue she says she doesn't want to get a big career because she might not want to give it up when we have kids. I think she needs to be more involved in making our future happen but I fear nothing will change. I don't want to lose this wonderful woman. Any advice on how I can get her moving?
Let's see if this raises some eyebrows: I'm on her side.
From what you've presented, her wonderfulness is tied to your belief that she will be a good mother. Being a stay at home parent is the hardest job on the planet and she may be trying to tell you she really might not want to give up a career when the babies come. That doesn't make her bad - it doesn't make her bad if she stays at home, either.
I'm not convinced you share each other's dreams. It seems you have it all mapped out for the both of you and for the youngins when they come along. She may feel she had to agree with you in order not to lose you.
Are you willing to renegotiate the deal? Really great mothers (and fathers) work outside the home and raise wonderful kids. You might be able to do that, too.
Trust me, the last thing you want is an unhappy stay at home mom. The both of you need to sit down and work out something you both can be happy doing. You both need to be honest with each other and if you cannot get to that place where you both are getting what you want, you have to be willing to walk away.
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