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I am in a long distance relationship with a girl who lives in Florida
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I am in a long distance relationship with a girl who lives in Florida, I live in London. We both love each other a lot, and I see her every 4-8weeks. I plan to move out there next year. I have a big concern. She is very beautiful, does modeling etc. She has a lot of male friends. I've tried to explain to her the difficulties which can arise in opposite sex relationships, because a couple of them have made what I and my friends who I've told, are inappropriate advances on her. When I try to discuss a concern I have with her, she becomes defensive and eventually gets angry with me. I am trying to accept that she has male friends, who take her to dinner and want nothing more, even though in the UK this isn't that common, and just accept it as a cultural difference. However I drew the line when a guy asked her to stay at his house to go deep sea fishing for one night. the guy is 36 (we are both 24) and his is very wealthy, unmarried, and I think might be slightly attracted to her. She asked me if I was uncomfortable about her going, so I said I needed to be honest, and said I was not happy. She then said she wouldn't go, but became so bitter because she'd given up on a rare opportunity, and needed to get away from her town, and this was a perfect opportunity, plus she's wanted to go deep sea fishing for the past 3 years. She said she's known the guy for 18months or so, and he's just a friend. What made it worse was all her friends said she should just go anyway, as we are not married and I don't even live there. I asked her how she'd feel if I stayed the night at a girl's house and she said she would feel uncomfortable. At least one of her male friends said he did agree with my point of view, but all her girlfriends definitely did not.
What is the best way to handle this? She loves me a lot, I know it's very cliché, but she talks about getting married, and how I am the only one etc. etc. but I believe she is being very genuine. She sends me sincere letters through the post, and is very, very loving when I am with her, and most of the time over the phone, we speak every day, for at least an hour.
I understand partially why she was disappointed about not going away because she's had a lot going on and needed a break, plus I'm not there for another couple of weeks. I just don't feel comfortable about her staying with a guy friend, and feel that I was put in an awkward situation, and then given grief for being honest. I can't stand her ex boyfriends calling her up and asking her out either, so far I've said no to that and she hasn't gone, I
just wonder if she's gonna get to a point where she feels I am being unreasonable, and go. I think sacrifices have to be made in a relationship, and sometimes you have to give something up which is a big thing, because you love the other person and want to make it work.
I would appreciate any advice at all. Sorry for a long letter.
I find it hard to believe that even in the UK, platonic relationships are rare. You may have never run across them but I am fairly certain there are mature people in the United Kingdom who don’t mistake friendship for something more physical. That being said, it seems you and your girlfriends have some relationship defining to do. Forget about what your friends think and what her friends are telling her to do; the two of you need to create boundaries where she can spend time with her friends (male or female) and you can be comfortable.
If she’s given you no reason to doubt her loyalty and if you truly believe she is sincere in her letters and when you talk that the two of you are destined to be together then swallow your fears and let her hang out with her friends. If she cheats you can say I told you so and if she doesn’t then you have tremendous bragging rights that this attractive girl has eyes only for you.
Give her credit for not going when you’ve objected but remember this isn’t your kid this is a fully grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions. At this point she is showing tremendous restraint and loyalty. I think it’s your turn to step up the maturity level and give the girl some trust.
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