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Common Goals Matter
By Alicia R Norman
I came across a young lady who had a bit of a dilemma. She was "in love" with an old flame, but had married a man she swore she also loved. The main problems? Well, old flame notwithstanding, she and her husband had very different goals. She wanted kids and he didn't want any. He wanted to move to a major city, and she wanted to stay in her hometown.
Aside from the fact that the woman in question seems a bit immature, wishy-washy and doesn't know what she wants, I'd say her main issue, besides rushing to get married, is that she never discussed the important aspects of common goals prior to getting hitched.
Marriage is no light matter. So many people, women in particular, think it is going to be a fairytale ride into happily ever after land. When the reality hits, many women feel disenchanted, their expectations dashed, particularly if they ran off on emotions only and never sat down to discuss the real life conflicts that come up in a marriage.
Thing is, when people are in the dating phase, they are trying to impress one another. This makes the relationship fun and interesting. Put romantic chemistry in the mix, and we are willing to ignore warning signs that indicate that this person may not be the right fit.
Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt , the sippy hat and the foam "We're Number One" finger.
This is why, by the time I decided to get serious, I had a list of things I wanted to be certain we shared prior to commitment.
1) Values. I was open minded, but conservative in a lot of my views-
I didn't want someone to agree with everything I believed, but I certainly wanted someone whose core believes in the sanctity of family, love, relationships and spirituality were important to them.
2) Kids. I wanted them-and he would have to want them to. I was not willing to compromise - in fact, I met a great guy after compiling my must have lists. He had one two. Mine had kids on it-his didn't. We parted ways without a backwards glance.
3) Acceptance. I was an artist-a writer and singer-this was who I am. The man I would marry would have to accept this aspect of me and love me anyway. Far too many men had tried, unsuccessfully I might add, to make me choose between them and my art. When a person makes you choose between who you are and them, there is no choice.
Marriage is not a shoe you try on for size, it is an important, life long promise that one shouldn't ever enter into lightly. Infatuation lasts only a few months-true love, forever. If your love is real, it will withstand a little probing. Sift through your aspirations, talk and be open, it may save you both heartbreak and begin a healthy foundation that will last a lifetime.
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