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Should I go back and apologize or wait until he's ready?
I've been dating this guy for about four years. We are exclusive but I am ready to move this relationship to the next level. It's not that I'm even looking for marriage, I would be happy if we lived together first. I tried hinting that I was ready for something more, but he never brought up a commitment. I finally told him I would need to have a more committed relationship by the end of last year. He said he didn't like being told what to do and if I had been patient, I would have gotten what I wanted. Instead, he hasn't spoken to me for the last two weeks. Did I go too far? Should I go back and apologize or wait until he's ready?
Let's answer the second question first: no you should not go back and apologize. The clock has been reset and if you go back now, there is not incentive for him to make a commitment. It's extremely easy for him to say he would have eventually come around, but if the issue has never even been raised in four years, your communication skills need some work.
Did you go too far? It depends. You certainly have a right to know the state of your relationship. Four years is a long time and at some point, there should be some idea of exactly what it is you both have and no one should be living under a delusion about their relationship. You don't say if you issued an ultimatum that had an ‘or else' at the end of it, but it sounded to him as if you did and he called you on it. You need to be able to give an ultimatum and understand you have to live with the consequences or else you lose your credibility.
In this case, I think you were probably right in doing what you did. You called each other's bluffs. Now it's time to let him go and move on.
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