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Affairs and Cheating - Why Do We Have Affairs?
By Tim Blackstock
Affairs are something that most people don't like to think about because they believe that they are immune to such activity. But, the reality is that no one and no relationship is immune to affairs involving one or both people. While the idea of monogamy is a nice one, the majority of relationships will suffer from some form of infidelity at some point. Most people do not intend to have affairs when they first get married, but for situations that they could not have predicted, they end up involved in extramarital affairs at some point or another.
Affairs happen for a variety of reasons. For a good deal of the population that cheats on their spouse, their affairs happen because opportunity and bad judgment meet and suddenly, monogamy is no more. These opportunities to cheat come in the form of relationships with people at work, on business trips, having your spouse out of town, or just putting yourself in situations in bars and clubs where the opportunity will present itself. Of course, these things alone are not enough reason or even to blame for affairs, rather it's these opportunities combined with bad judgment that changes a marriage forever.
Many people have affairs because they want the thrill of being with someone new. Some people find after they get married that they are not prepared to have sexual relations with just one person. And despite their knowledge that it would hurt their marriage and their spouse, they continue to have sex with other people. These affairs are all about the people having them, and not about the marriage or sex within the marriage. Some people just are not well suited to monogamous relationships, though they figured they would be when they got married.
Other people have affairs to get back at a spouse for their behavior. Many individuals have an affair after they learn that their spouse is or has been cheating. Many people will confront their husband or wife and then go have an affair to sort of get revenge. Others take a more passive approach when they learn of their spouse's infidelity and they begin having relationships with other people without ever confronting the person. The tit for tat affairs rarely make anyone feel better, it's just an impulse that many people have when they are deeply hurt by the actions of the person that they thought they had a close monogamous relationship with.
Others still will carry out affairs when they feel as though they cannot get emotional support or physical attention at home. Many people want more sexual contact or more emotional support from their spouse, and when they feel as though they are not getting what they need, they turn away from the marriage. While most of these issues could actually be taken care of by turning toward their spouse and really talking about these things, many people feel as though they cannot do this and start having affairs.
The minute someone steps outside his or her marriage to have an affair the whole marriage changes. Even if they do not intend to tell their husband or wife of their actions, it is something that they will have to cope with for the rest of their life. The affair will invariably change the way they react to their spouse, even if they don't realize it. Over time, it will be easier to have more affairs because they've already done it once. And, sooner or later their spouse will catch on and feel even more betrayed by their lack of honesty. Quite simply, affairs damage the marriage from the moment they begin, whether the truth is told or not.
As you can see here, affairs happen for many reasons. While it may not be clear to the person who is cheating exactly why they have taken these actions, there is a reason. People don't step outside their relationship for no reason, there is a pay off somewhere. So, even if you feel as though you have a great relationship and you and your spouse would never suffer from affairs, don't just assume this. Because we don't know exactly how our husbands or wives feel every second of the day, we can't determine with any real certainty that we won't experience the pain of an affair. The only ways that we can really guard our relationship against affairs is to remain open to our husbands or wives and remain monogamous ourselves. Because we can only guarantee our own actions, using good judgment and refraining from affairs is the only way to hold up your end of the monogamy bargain.
It's thought that 25 to 50 % of women will have affairs and a startling 50 to 65 % of men will have affairs while married. These numbers are shocking in general, but more so when you consider that people aren't staying married as long as they once did, so they may be cheating on more than one spouse. By the age of 40 the numbers are a bit higher among women who are cheating 45 to 55 % of the time. It's thought that with more and more women going into the workplace every year and the prevalence of online relationships that both 60% percent of men and women will have affairs at some point in their relationship. When you compile all the data about those who cheat and those who do not, it says that roughly eight percent of marriages will suffer from affairs. That is a sad statistic, especially because many of us want to believe that we are immune to infidelity, but in reality only 20% or less will not be affected.
Twenty percent isn't very much at all when you think about it. What this means is that you, and your friends, and maybe even your parents will have affairs. Will their marriages survive them? Unfortunately, statistics aren't so favorable about that, either. Does your marriage have to suffer from infidelity? No, it doesn't, so long as you and your husband or wife are committed to a monogamous relationship and will use good judgment 100 % of the time, because it only takes that 1% of the time to commit adultery and change your life and your marriage forever.
Related Articles:
Affairs in the Office
Cheating in Relationships
Confessions of Infidelity
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