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I'm beginning to wonder if there's something inherently wrong with my strategy
I've been looking for somebody ever since my ex left me, and I keep running into a brick wall with my attempts to start dating again. I've talked to several girls since, gone to have coffee with a few of them and generally tried to put myself out there. They all respond well, talk to me a lot, are very friendly...and taken. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something inherently wrong with my strategy. Also, when I find somebody whom I am interested in, I find it difficult to express romantic interest. It's there, but I don't know how to express it without it being over the top. What am I doing wrong?
Oh baby, what you're doing wrong is looking too soon. You don't know these girls are taken before you go out to coffee? How does that not come up in the conversation unless you don't want to know it upfront? The thing wrong with your stategy is not asking a clarifying question like: Are you dating, seeing, living, or married to someone? And you're not asking because you only think you're looking when you're not.
Also, I'm making the assumption that 'over the top' means you tell them too soon that your feelings for them are deep, that is, when you can express them at all; and both of those are signs that you're not in a new relationship but rather carrying on the relationship with your ex through these new women.
There are no hard rules that say you're ready to date, but there are signs that show when you're not, and you're exhibiting them. Pull yourself off the market for a while and allow yourself to grieve, assess and regroup. Could take hours, days, weeks, or months, but you owe it to yourself, and the women you hook up with to be fully involved with them and not ghosts from your past.
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