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No other girl I've met has had her qualities
By David DeAngelo
**QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
First off, mad props for taking the time to write a book that everyone can read and use. I have yet to buy it (next week I will though - payday), but I have been receiving your newsletters and enjoying the material in there.
Now after receiving your emails for a few weeks, I decided to try using the cocky and funny approach on every girl I came across (I've always been too shy to do this consistently.. only situationally). So I did this at work, at coffee shops, at the bar, you name it. I hadn't tried the email/number techniques yet though. And I had only been doing this for a week when I happened to meet a girl that was incredibly attractive, smart, and just the complete package. So she received my largest C&F effort yet. It worked like a charm!
We talked for only a few minutes the first time we met but I left an impression. The second time we met, we chatted and joked around for a few hours and I asked her on a date, which she readily accepted. So we went on that date, and things went great.
I was nervous about going out with her, but from the start I made the decision that I wanted to use her for practise. I know that sounds bad to alot of people, but it's more of a frame of mind than anything else. So anyhow, we went to dinner first (yeah - I know), we talked, we joked, we had a good time. Then we went to a movie (which was originally the plan, to just go see this movie we both wanted to see, and that was all.. the dinner was tacked on by her really), and I tried a form of a kiss test.
Since we had already reached a level of
comfort/friendliness through conversation, it was time to check out physical playfulness. So during the movie (comedy), there were a lot of funny moments as expected. Well, one of them was hilarious and we both went nuts laughing, so I did the laugh and slap your own leg thing.. except I used her leg. And I did it lightly enough so that it won't leave a mark, but stung a bit. Which is what I wanted actually. She responded by saying "hey, that hurt!" while smiling at me, so I said "oh, poor baby, want me to kiss it better?". She got off on my playfulness and raised her leg up so I could kiss it. So I kissed her leg, and I said "There you go kid, all better!", and I followed that up with "I hope I don't have to hit you in the face to get a kiss!":) I still laugh when I think of that one. She thought that was so funny she just cracked right up, it was great! A little off the wall, but great! Then I just waited for the next funny part, which was like, 10 seconds later, and I looked into her eyes, down to her lips, and back to her eyes, and kissed her. She
was incredibly responsive. Now, I'm talking in
slow motion here because that portion setup what has been a great thing between myself and this girl since that date. But I need to fast forward to the problem part. So to fill in the gaps in a rather boring fashion, the date led to a next day hot-tub at her place (she called me), and sex the day after that. She was completely into me. We had spent almost every single day together for the next 3 weeks. Anytime I tried to take a day off, she wouldn't have any of that. The sex was amazing, and got better and better each time. And that all led to the problem:
She through me a wicked wicked curv ball that I didn't expect or see coming, and I didn't react the way I should have. She not only came out and said 'I love you', she followed that up with 'I think you are the one '!!! That is some deep, serious shit right there. That through me off my game big time. It was like being at the plate with no bat while Randy Johnson throws fastballs at me. 'Holy s***!'
I ended up having a day (the next day), where I really needed to be alone, and quiet, to contemplate this whole scene. Unfortunately, she said those words while we were on a camping trip... so when I was acting quiet and distant, she didn't know what to do. She hadn't seen me like that. So I played it off like I was grumpy.
That wasn't really the best move, but I was feeling confused. Here I have this amazing chick who has just said some incredibly huge words to me. I was stuck, and it turned me into a wuss again:( That day of the camping trip sucked, and it was a short camping trip (arrived friday night, left sunday morning), so it wasn't a very good one. The friday night was amazing, but what she said setup the confusion for the rest of it.
So on the Monday after we got back, we sat down and talked, and decided that it was much too early for that and we should take a step back and hold the 'I love you' stuff for another time. Well, that lasted until that friday when she came over and said "I've been thinking about this alot, and I am SO in love with you. I know we said we didn't want to go there, but you are just so amazing I can't picture my life without you."
Another curv ball. Another wussifying statement.
And once again, I felt confused and a little overwhelmed. She has everything I want in a woman, and she's telling me that I'm what she wants in a man. Well, that changed all too quickly. I turned into a wuss. For some dumb reason, I felt that her confessions of love required me to be more sentimental, caring, and lubby dubby. What the hell was I thinking!!!
Exactly one week after that and about 4 days of me being completely off my game and catering to her needs, she decides that she has lost the attraction. She didn't say exactly that, but it was obvious by our sex life which all of a sudden disappeared. So we discussed it, and she felt like being with me was like "training a puppy" because I lacked confidence in my actions. At that point, I knew she was right because lately, I wasn't acting confident in my actions. I let all of my actions and decisions take her feelings into consideration first, which ends up making me hesitate and appear to lack confidence. At the same time, during the 3 or 4 days prior to that talk, she had stopped liking my jokes and taking things offensively. I was not impressed with that.
So I brought that up after her "training a puppy"
comment, and I followed it up with a "you know what... we're done."
And that was it, I broke up with her. Now I'm sitting here thinking about how amazing this girl is, and how the only reason we aren't together is because I acted like a wuss after the "I love you"'s came out. The thing is, everyone around us seen a stronge love between myself and this girl, and nobody can believe it turned out like this.
Neither can I, but at least I know why.
Problem now, is that I know that we had a strong love (as early as it was), and I want that back. I know how wussy that sounds, but I feel like this ended prematurely. I feel confident that I can go out and get numbers and get dates, etc...
but it doesn't feel right at this point.
I am tempted to call her and at least say "It's too bad things didn't work out between us, but I would like to remain friends, blaw blaw blaw...". It has only been a little over a day since we broke up (sunday now, and we broke up friday night), so I don't know if I should even bother calling her, or if I should wait a couple days to see if she calls me, or whatever. I don't want to wait to be honest. Despite what happened this past week, she is still someone that is incredibly special. No other girl I've met has had her qualities. Which is what makes this so damn tough. So any advice you can throw me is more than appreciated. What should I do here Dave?
Thanks, J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Your letter was long, but I had to include it.
Let this be a lesson to you...
DON'T TURN INTO A WUSSY.
Don't do it.
And the most important reason is the one you've demonstrated with your situation: Because you'll screw up the one situation that really matters, when and if it comes.
Women are NOT attracted to WUSSIES.
And men tend to start acting like wussies when they really like a girl.
Here's what to do:
1) Don't call her.
2) Go date other women, IMMEDIATELY.
3) If you talk to her again because you ran into her or she calls you, MENTION THAT YOU'RE DATING OTHER WOMEN, AND DO THE THINGS YOU DID WHEN YOU FIRST MET HER THAT ATTRACTED HER TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. (If you don't hear from her for a few weeks or a month, you may call her ONCE.)
4) Write, "I will not act like a WUSS-BAG again."
1,000 times.
Now, go and be a Wussy no more.
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| Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved.
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