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Should I always get a girl's phone number or email address in the first meeting
By David DeAngelo
***QUESTION***
Hello,
I recently downloaded your e-book, and that combined with your email newsletters have helped me land more email addresses/phone #s in the last several months than the rest of my 24 year life combined. I now see some of the stuff I have been doing wrong over the years and some things to do to correct my behavior and attitudes towards women. The cocky/funny attitude definitely works, when used in the right context. I still feel awkward since I'm fairly new at these new "techniques" but I know I am on the right track.
However, I have some challenging questions for you. Getting a phone number or email address for me obviously hasn't been enough, and I'll explain
why:
When I call a girl's phone number, I often don't get through (yes, I remember your figure of something like 1 in 3 times on average).
Obviously if I want a date, I'll have to try again later, or leave a message if she has voice mail.
That leads me to the first question, should I leave a (cocky/funny) message, or just try again later? I am afraid that leaving a message for someone I hardly know might make me come off as too desperate (so far I have NEVER gotten a response after leaving a message), but then when I call again and again (within reason, I give it some time between calls, and I won't try more than a couple times in a day) attempting to reach a girl in person, I'm afraid that she might have caller ID and figure out that I kept calling her, which would also make me come across as needy and desperate. Or, should I just give up, and move on to somebody else, even with the possibility that the girl I tried calling really likes me and simply wasn't there to answer my call?
My second question is an even tougher one. Over the summer I've emailed about 12 different girls asking for dates. I will provide the text of a typical message in a minute here. However, I have to date gotten ONE response back (there goes your 60% theory...). I originally thought there must be something wrong with my account, but then I realized my emails get prompt responses from other friends and family members, so I don't think this is the case (only once did I get a "delivery failure" notification). So...what is going on here--am I just having an incredibly bad streak of luck, or am I doing something drastically wrong?
And if the latter, what is it--am I coming off as a wuss, does my email address turn them off, or what? Now, here is what I said in one of my messages (this is a typical example):
(Girl's name), It was nice meeting you at the meteorology picnic, and welcome to the department.
I'm curious to know what you're taking as an undergrad, as I came here straight for the graduate program.
I'll have a lot of things to do over the next couple of days, but let's try and get together later this weekend--and we can have some fun and get to know each other better. (My name)
I think that was a pretty good email, although I wonder if maybe I should have asked for her number too... anyway I'll leave it up to you to analyze.
One final question: Should I always get a girl's phone number or email address in the first meeting, if I am sure I will see her again? For example, at the picnic aformentioned in my email example, I met another cute girl at the end of the evening (she's in my academic department, so I know I'll see her again eventually), but she was leaving, I was already on my way to my car, and my hands were completely full with food. Thus it would have been totally inconvenient and awkward to stop and write down an email address or phone number. Is it better just to hold off in certain situations like this one?
Anyways...thanks for any help and advice you can give me.
N.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well, let's start with the good...
Great job getting more email addresses and numbers lately than in the last 24 YEARS!... lol.
You mention above that you've read my book, but what you've said above leads me to believe that you didn't really pay much attention when you did.
I'm not even going to address your issue of calling women, as you should probably be focusing on emailing first.
I guess I'm confused, because you ask for advice about what to do when calling, then you send me a sample EMAIL to critique. OK, about the email...
Let's start with "It was nice meeting you at the METEOROLOGY picnic, and welcome to the department..."
What kind of lame opening is this?
Then we have, "I'm curious to know what you're taking as an undergrad, as I came straight for the graduate program..."
Oh, lord help me.
Next we roll into, "...let's try to get together later this weekend--and we can have some fun and get to know each other better..."
DON'T MAKE ME SLAP MY OWN HEAD, PLEASE.
You sound like you can't decide whether to ask her to be your study partner, become her school counselor, or subtly imply that you're a perv on a mission.
No no no.
You want to touch base, keep it light, and get to the next step.
No school stuff, no interview questions, no "fun".
Try this when following up:
"Hey, it was nice meeting you last night...
what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me."
...you know, just like it says word-for-word on page 130 of Double Your Dating.
No interviews, no "fun", no lame questions about what she's doing as an undergrad.
OK, I realize that I'm being a little harsh here, and that you're just getting started...
lol... but I have to pick on someone!
Remember, no boring, average talk. And until you have something that you KNOW works better, use the materials that you paid for in my book!
As your final assignment, keep me posted on how much better women respond to this new, improved follow-up message.
(Hint: if you still aren't getting responses, then you're doing something when you meet them to give them the creeps. Think about it, and make some modifications if you have to.)
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| Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved.
David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks of David DeAngelo Communications Inc |
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