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I’m not ready for anyone to touch me like that.
I’m fifteen years old and I have my first ‘parent sanctioned’ boyfriend. He was over at my house the other day and we were on the couch kissing when he put his hand on my thigh and moved it very close to my crotch. I put my hand between his hand and my crotch so he couldn’t get there and I don’t think he noticed the block though he didn’t try it again. I like him a lot, but I’m not ready for anyone to touch me like that. How do I tell him that with making him angry and losing him?
Whether or not he gets angry and walks out is completely on him. You have a right to decide who gets to touch you and when and where they can. That should be your primary concern.
You have some choices for how to let him know. You can tell him before the next make out session is likely to happen. When you’re walking home from school alone might be a good time to bring it up. The other time would be during the next kissing session if his hand should wander up your thigh, you can stop it and say ‘I’m not ready for you to do that.”
The advantage of the first way is that he is less likely to be angry because his hormones won’t be raging and he may be more level headed. The advantage of the second way is that he will learn you are willing to stop him when he begins to act in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
As you enter dating, it’s essential you know how to speak up for yourself. The ages of 14 – 17 are impressionable, vulnerable years and behaviors you learn now will impact how you enter adulthood. Boys and girls are learning about their sexuality including how to attract and how to persuade. Girls, especially, need to develop a sense of being comfortable in their own skin and learning how to stay strong when they run into boys who will try to trick or manipulate them into something they aren’t ready for. There’s much more life after high school and learning how to handle boys will go a long way to learning how to handle men.
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