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I just don't get it. I'm in my thirties and I've never had a serious relationship.
I just don't get it. I'm in my thirties and I've never had a serious relationship. I can't realistically say I've even had a boyfriend or what I would consider a real date. It seems the guys I like are not interested in me. I admit I am not a super model, but I don't believe I'm ugly either. Besides that, I like things guys like: music, sports, going out to dinner and movies. What gives? I don't know if that's my biological clock I hear ticking or my old maid timepiece, but I definitely feel like I'm running out of time. Can you give me some guidance?
Sure can. You say some very telling things that lead me to think you may be looking for love in the wrong places and with the wrong ideas in mind. The first thing you say is: guys I like are not interested in me. I believe truth and logic are two ways streets so if you say the guys you like are not interested in me, that means there are guys that are interested in you but you don't return the interest. Now hold on the that idea because it's connected with the next thing you say: You're not a super model but you don't think you're ugly. And then you say you're interested in things guys are interested in like music and sports. You end with a most telling comment: you're running out of time.
First, you need to examine what you are realistically interested in and what you're projecting. I know women who are not super models and they have never been without a guy. They are a mystery to other women who consider themselves good looking. I think these women are never without partners because they stay within their zone. That doesn't mean there are men who are too good for them; it means they don't force a compatibility that isn't there. What are your criteria for a guy? Are you looking for something that's just on the surface? Are you moving too fast? Are you expecting too much? Are you dismissing men who may be potential first dates or relationships because you are too focused on what has proven not to work? If you want a different result, you have to do something different to get it. If the criteria you're using isn't working, you need to rework your plan.
Second, look around honey, the only women who look like super models are super models and I am sure you notice women who you don't think measure up to you and they are happily dating or married. A super model may be every man's dream, but Tyra has had her share of heartaches. Movies stars and pro ball players get divorced and dumped just like everyone else, and in public. Your looks don't guarantee you happiness and they don't hold your heart together when he walks out the door. Are guys driven by looks? Yes, but to their credit, most men want something a little deeper. Why are you assuming it's your looks unless you're going for superficial men. Then the question becomes why are you going for superficial men?
Guys like movies, music, and sports and so do you. Fine. But what are you going to talk about when the movie has been discussed, the song goes off, and the game is over? Guys do that stuff with their buddies as well as their women, but the two relationships are different. You need to be more than their buddy, hell, they don't want you to be their buddy. What else are you bringing to the table?
If you hear your clock ticking, chances are they hear it, too and to someone else whether it's a guy or a gal, it sounds like desperation. That's a turn off unless you find someone who is as desperate as you and that isn't a good basis for a relationship.
You need to take a step back and reassess. Look at what you want in a realistic way. Despite the phrase, love isn't something you fall into. Even if you have an instant reaction to someone, you need to make realistic decisions about how you will act.
Enjoy the moment instead of projecting your future on the men you meet. Start by simply meeting with people. Get comfortable with that and you will start noticing realistically what men you attract and who attract you. From there, you can start building towards dating. Once you're comfortable there, you can start looking at long term relationships. It could take weeks, months or years, but until you get there, you will be learning more about yourself and your true likes and dislikes and that will make the dating experience get better with time and when you meet Mr. Right, you will both be ready for the relationship you want so much.
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