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What can I do to gain some confidence so one day I won�t be afraid to ask someone out?
I am incredibly shy when it comes to women. What can I do to gain some confidence so one day I won't be afraid to ask one out?
Practice. Practice. Practice.
You will have to do some fear swallowing and some basic sucking it up but that's the only way you're going to get through it.
Start by saying hello to people, both male and female, when you pass them in the hall at work or on the street. Start small by saying you will greet five people in the day. Then increase it to 10, 15 up to 30. You will begin to notice something: most folks will greet you back, some folks won't say anything, some folks will give you a strange look or may even make a rude comment. None of the reactions, from the positive to the neutral to the negative, matter one bit because it isn't about them, it's about you. Once you begin to notice that people react in different ways, you begin to build a base on how not to take things too personally and allow other people to be who they are. One of the reasons you're shy around women is because you have some fear and insecurity regarding what they might think about you. At this stage, what they think doesn't matter much (and the same thing holds for women in this same situation.)
After you've gotten yourself comfortable with speaking (and the timetable varies from person to person) you're ready for the next step and that's an extended (just a few sentences) with a woman. Keep the conversation general and light. You'll soon find yourself having longer interactions. When the time comes for you to ask her out, you might find yourself wanting to take a few steps back - it's natural but you'll have to overcome the fear one more time and take the plunge. You might want to scour the bookstore for a dating reference book you can keep handy; one of my faves is "What Women Want" by Laurence Roy Stains, Stefan Bechtel. It's not a perfect book, but if you're seriously interested in women, it's a good start.
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